


Adam and Eve (Like a Virgin)

by JaguarPF



Category: Christian Bible, Christian Bible (Old Testament), Christian Scripture & Lore
Genre: Bible, Book: Genesis, F/M, Gan Eden | Garden of Eden | Jannah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 17:14:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2589662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaguarPF/pseuds/JaguarPF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A brief exploration of how Adam and Eve discovered the simpler things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adam and Eve (Like a Virgin)

The following short story is based on the (supposedly) true events as written in the Book of Genesis. This is from the Hebrew Bible, in case you need more direction.

Adam, the first human being to be created by God, sat alone on a boulder as he gnawed on a piece of straw. He sighed as he thought back to all the animals that he had named that day. He looked over at one particular animal. It had a very thick, sandy-brown coat of fur, and a long, trunk-like neck. Its body was carried about on four stocky legs. To Adam, this animal looked just like the one he had named “llama”, except that it was smaller and was softer to the touch. It had ears that were smaller and more erect. Maybe it’s just a baby llama, Adam thought to himself. He quickly realised the fallacy in that thought when he remembered that none of the animals had young. They were all just there.

Adam had managed to identify a pattern in the animal life: they all had doubles. Some looked exactly the same and others were noticeably different. This bothered Adam as he began to wonder why he was the only one of his kind. None of the animals behaved the way he did. The closest friends that he could find were extremely hairy and used their feet to eat. Every now and then, Adam could swear that he observed them slinging faeces at each other. He could not bring himself to do the same thing. It seemed too desperate of an act for the simple sake of companionship. He did, however, pine for the attention of another so that he could also play with this copy and feel joy.

Adam needed a friend to call his own. He did not, however, know of any way to make one. He lifted his hands to the perfectly-blue and cloudless sky above him. He closed his eyes and thought of the Sky-voice that had spoken to him before and said, “Father? You told me to call you that. This job you gave me, this task to name all the other creatures that you created, it’s making me feel unhappy. I feel as if I am not together with another, as all the others are. Will you help me, father?”

“The word you’re looking for,” said a deep, booming voice beyond the clouds, “is lonely. You feel lonely because I did not create a partner for you. I erred in my decision to do so. You will sleep again when the sun goes down, and when it rises, you will have a companion.”

Adam thanked the Sky-voice over and over again in an incredible display of excitement and gratitude. That night, as he lay on an absurdly uncomfortable mound of leaves, he fantasised about his companion. Will this creature look just like me? he wondered. Will it help me name all the animals and see the world as I do? Adam could barely contain himself as he fought for sleep through all the thoughts of how amazing it would be to not be lonely. As the things that creak at night creaked, and the things that croak croaked, Adam finally slipped into a deep sleep, much like the creature that he had named “sloth”.

Adam awoke to a sharp pain in his right side. It almost felt as if something was out of place or, even worse, missing. He stood up and looked about, his forehead wrinkled with confusion. And then he remembered; the other creature! He ran about the lush garden, perfectly strewn with all the wonderful colours that he could imagine, and searched for his companion. He stopped dead on his tracks atop a small hill overlooking the river that ran through the middle of the garden. Standing just shy of the water, staring deeply into its flow, as if fixated by the creatures that Adam was yet to name, was a creature that looked most like he did. It was, however, looking away, and all that Adam could make out was its very long, brown locks of hair covering its back, much longer than Adam’s hair. Adam ran down the tiny hill to greet the creature, and speak outwardly to something that would respond, apart from some of the colourful birds that sometimes mimicked him.

“It’s called a koi,” said Adam nervously as he approached the other creature. The other creature turned to look at him. Adam quickly realised that it was not at all exactly what he was. It had two unusual bumps on its chest, each one with a smaller, flamingo-pink bump at its tip. Flamingo was one of Adam’s favourite creature names, so this did not scare him. It had a more rounded face, much smoother than what Adam had seen when he looked at his own in the water. It did not have a meaty lump hanging from the hair between its legs, nor did it have as much hair on its buttocks.

“You must be Adam,” responded the creature in a sweet and soft voice. The sound of it talking soothed Adam and caused him to feel an unusual warmth in his chest. “God told me all about you while you slept. He said that you were lonely and that the animals were not good enough, so he made you a helper and that helper is me. He took one of your ribs and created me from it. I am from you.”

“You were taken out of me?” said Adam, overwhelmed by all that he had just heard. “I shall call you woman, for you were taken out of man. I’ll call you Eve, though. For some reason, that sounds better.”

“God told me that you are tasked with naming all the creatures that you see. I will go by the name of Eve. I am very hungry; shall we walk and find something to eat from these trees?”

“That sounds like a fine idea,” said Adam. He was so gleeful about having someone to talk to that he was willing to do anything. “I have to mention, though, that there is a tree in the middle of this garden that we cannot eat from.”

“Is that so?” asked Eve. “Why can we not eat from it?”

“I can’t say I can remember, quite honestly. I never bothered to question.”

“I want to see it!” Eve exclaimed excitedly. “Please can we go see it, Adam?”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” whispered Adam, as if God could hear him. “Besides, there are plenty of wonderful trees to eat from. For some weird reason, I feel like eating melons right now.”

“Are you going to be a bore, Adam?” teased Eve. “Don’t tell me God made me just to be bored by you for ever. We’re going to see this fruit and that’s that. What’s the harm in looking?”

Adam had no choice but to give in to this woman. He simply nodded and walked along with her as she inquired about the names of all the animals. Adam felt his heart sink as he imagined the sun rising every morning only to bring him more questions from this extremely talkative being.

“I really hope that I remember all of these names,” said Eve as she looked around, eyes bright with curiosity. “Look over there,” she pointed, “it’s another llama.”

“No,” sighed Adam, “that’s not a llama. It just looks like one. I haven’t named it yet.”

“How are they different? How can you tell them apart so easily? And why haven’t you named it yet?”

“I don’t know,” Adam’s voice croaked as he began to lose his patience. “I just know that one is, one is…“ Adam stopped mid-sentence. “It doesn’t matter, we’re here.”

Eve looked up in wonder as she stood at the foot of the majestic tree that marked the centre of the garden. Its trunk bulged out of the ground as if it had been growing for a thousand years. The leaves grew large and were a more luscious green than that of any other tree. The only thing more beautiful was the fruit that grew on its branches. Hundreds upon hundreds of red, fist-sized fruits were strewn all over this behemoth of a plant. The fruits were so clean and shiny that Eve could see her own reflection on them. Eve licked her lips as she imagined sinking her teeth into one of those lovely fruits.

Adam could feel the desire tensing up his sphincter and decided to redirect the attention. “There’s a good fruit tree just over there. I’m going to go pick us a few fruits to eat. Wait for me here.”

Eve did not utter a word as Adam walked away. As soon as Adam had walked out of earshot, a beast with a thousand legs crawled out from behind the tree and hung from a branch that was just above Eve’s face.

“Go on, Eve,” said the beast in a sultry and seductive voice, “pick one of these delicious fruits and eat it. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

“A talking animal?” responded Eve, completely confused. “I thought Adam was the only one that could talk.”

“That’s beside the point,” snapped the creature. “Eat the fruit. It will be amazing. God only told you not to eat it because he does not want you to become aware of all the awesome things that exist in this world.”

“But what will I say to Adam? He seems to fear God. What if God is unhappy about this? How do I know that you are not deceiving me?”

“Just eat the fucking fruit, woman!” the creature barked. “You ask way too many questions. Actually, if you eat this fruit, you will have all the knowledge in the world. How does that sound?”

“Fucking fruit?” asked Eve, confused. “What’s fucking?”

“Eat the fruit and I promise that you will soon find out,” the tube-like creature advised. “And make sure Adam eats one as well. He will be much less of a bore after he does.”

Eve had heard all that she needed to. Her curiosity took hold of her and she firmly grasped one of the fruits and pulled it off of the tree as the creature stared in anticipation. She brought the red fruit to her mouth and wrapped her lips around it as she bit down and took a chunk out of it. It was juicy and sweet inside, with a slight tang of sour. She felt a wave of liberation flow through her, as if a gush of wind had woken her from a deep sleep. The creature sniggered to itself as she ran off to find Adam and share the pleasures that she had just experienced.

“For the love of flinging faeces, Eve!” exclaimed Adam. “How could you? This is an abomination!”

“What’s an abomination? Listen, Adam, this fruit is amazing. I swear to you that it will open your eyes to everything that there is to know. You will not regret taking a bite of this. Take it and I will stop asking questions. I promise.”

Adam considered the arrangement only for a second before taking the fruit out of Eve’s hand and taking a huge bite out of it. He chewed furiously at first, and then slowed down as the power of awareness washed over him. He looked at Eve as he swallowed the soft fruit. Suddenly, he saw the lumps on her chest as more than just unusual. He saw them as inviting. He licked his lips as he considered her hourglass figure, curving in all the most interesting ways. He took another bite, a much smaller one this time, as his eyes traced her soft, pink lips as if they were the most tempting thing he had ever seen. He felt an urge that he had never felt before as the pure beauty of what stood before him was realised.

“Uh, Adam,” said Eve nervously. “What is that and why is it getting bigger and pointing to me?” Eve pointed at Adam’s hairy mound, where his meaty lump had suddenly grown in size and become much harder. Much to Adam’s surprise and enjoyment, Eve lifted her left hand over to her right chest-lump and proceeded to rub it and squeeze it. Adam’s rock-hard meatiness was at bursting point as he tried to string a sentence together.

“I don’t know what this is,” he choked. “All I know is that I have to do something with it before it explodes on me.”

“I have a strange feeling,” Eve said shyly. “I feel moist like a fruit right here, where this hole is.” Eve pointed at her hairy mound as she touched it, feeling herself react intensely to her own touch.

“Come over here and touch mine,” begged Adam. “Touch it and see if the same thing happens to me.”

Eve obliged and walked over to Adam. She got down on her knees as she slowly brought her hand to touch his hardness. It throbbed violently as she wrapped her warm hand around it and Adam let a slight moan escape from his mouth.

“What do you think will happen if I put it in my mouth?” Eve probed as she moved her hand back and forth on Adam’s shaft.

“I would really like to know,” Adam moaned. “But I doubt you’ll be able to find out.”

“Why not?” inquired Eve. She continued to tug at Adam’s manliness as he quivered and groaned loudly. In that very moment, Adam exploded a thick, milky-white substance all over Eve’s face and hand. He groaned once more as his body shook and he fell to the ground.

“That’s why,” he exhaled as Eve stared at him in shock, unable to say a word.

“Adam!” Eve screamed, completely outraged. “What in God’s name is this? Is this fucking?”

“What the hell is fucking?” yawned a confused Adam.

“I don’t know, the talking creature with a hundred legs said that I would find out after eating the forbidden fruit.”

“Wait, what?” Adam laughed. “You talked to a snake? That’s ridiculous.”

“Well, if this is what the snake was talking about, I don’t think I like it very much. How will I get this off my face?”

“Listen,” Adam yawned again. “I think I’m going to sleep now. Go to the river, or ask the snake or Google it or whatever.”

“Goo what?” said Eve, totally confused. “God is going to be so angry about this. We shouldn’t have done this. He will punish us.”

“You know what?” whispered Adam as he drifted into a beautiful sleep. “I’d hate to say I told you so. And something tells me that the snake and I will not be getting the worst deal out of this.”

“What? What do you mean?” Eve’s distressed cries were wasted on the now fast asleep Adam. She stood up and walked over to what she decided to name an alpaca and rubbed Adam’s juices off on its soft fur as she felt some of it start to cake on her face.

“That was pretty unfortunate,” the snake hissed as it crawled past. “But while we’re at this game of messing with your first day, might I ask if you’ve ever heard of cucumbers?”

“No, I haven’t,” Eve replied. “What are those?”

The snaked smiled an evil and scarily toothy smile as it crawled off with a snigger and Eve in tow.

The End


End file.
